Archive for April, 2008

PILAY SA PALAY

Amiel

Rice is definitely one of the most significant meal to be put on to Pinoy’s hapag-kainan. Apparently, Filipinos could not complete a meal without rice, whether it is sinangag, plain cooked rice or bahaw. And recently, we have been alarmed of the rice shortage chancing upon not only in our country but also to most areas of the world too.  Due to this dearth of rice, its price are really climbing unto its peak hitting up Php38-40 per kilo as of April 2008. Evidently, we all have to do something about this. We must find ways and look for alternatives to conserve rice so that we can finally recover from our “pilay sa palay”. On a certain late night show of Mr. Jojo Alejar (one of the hippest celebrity in the 80′s), he once gave tips and ideas on how to conserve rice…in funny and really corny yet reasonable ways:

 

1. Refrain from throwing rice grains on the newly weds. Use sand and gravels instead. This can really help a lot from the construction of their new home.
2. No more extra cup of rice! Use spoon instead. (Waiter, dalawang kutsara ng kanin pa nga please…)

3. If spoons aren’t effective, then try using straw. You’ll find out how hard it is to imbibe every grain of rice. Surely, you’ll treasure every grain of it on your mouth.

4. Complete the “8 glasses of water a day” requirement every before meal. It lessens your appetite in rice ‘cos you’ll feel stuffed already and not only that, you’ll prevent yourself from dehydration. That would be very good for your health!

5. Use potatoes as an alternative to rice and call it “French Rice”! (Isipin mo na lang rice yan!)

Funny how people like him can still find how to crack jokes like this despite the inflation occuring in our country. This signifies the optimism in every Pinoy that still laughs at the midst of any problem (Or maybe he is reach enough not to worry about all these stuff…). Anyway, before we totally be in the upshot of this rice shortage which is famine, there is something we should do. Sadly, the best solution to this crisis is hitherto unknown. It is not all about conservation or anything that has to do with it, but its more of appreciation. Appreciate every grain you have on your plate ‘cos a lot of masang pinoys are dying to have just a fraction of yours.

 

Ser! Ser!

Ser! Ser! Baka naman po pwedeng makahingi ng tulong. Pambili lang po ng pagkain para sa amang ko, at kung may sosobra, pang-almusal ko na rin po, hindi pa po kasi ako nag-aagahan eh. Ser, kahit barya lang po ser… Sige na po ser, maawa na po kayo, mabuti pa nga po kayo eh, may trabaho, may inaasahang dadating, hindi po gaya ng isang tulad ko, o di kaya, tulad ng amang ko .Mahina na po sya. Puro lamig sa katawan at lamig sa tiyan na nga po ang nararanasan namin. Ang swerte swerte niyo po. Sa tindig at porma niyo pa lang halatang may pinag-aralan kayo, may trabaho at kaya niyo ang hirap ng buhay. Samantalang ang isang tulad ko, umaasa na lamang sa mga tulad niyo. Batid ko na po na hindi na ‘ko makakapag-aral, dahil nga po sa hirap ng buhay, kaya nga po bukas na rin ang isip ko na hindi na ako magkakaroon ng matinong trabaho. Siguro nga po, habang buhay na akong ganito, katok ng katok sa salamin ng mga sasakyan niyo, katok ng katok sa mga puso niyo. Kaya nga po sana mabigyan niyo po ako ng kahit katiting na barya lamang po galing sa malaman niyong bulsa. Ser, maawa na po kayo… maya maya lang po, dadating na naman ang mga pulis, huhulihin na naman nila ang mga tulad kong namamalimos. Hay, bakit po kaya sila ganun? Bakit kaya nila pinagbabawalan ang manghingi ng tulong ang tulad kong wala namang pagkukunan? At pag hinuli nila kami, halos patayin nila kami sa mga mura… “Putang ina ninyong mga bata kayo! Hindi ba kayo matuto-tuto? Sinabi ng bawal mamalimos sa lansangan! Mga lintik, mga hindi nakakaintindi! Hulong na kayo sa inyo at ‘wag na ‘wag ko na kayong makikita dito!  Kung hindi, papuputukan ko kayo sa mga ulo nyo!!!” Halos masaulo ko na yung mga sinasabi ni SPO1… Lagi po kasi ako nahuhuli eh. Hindi naman po sa matigas ang ulo ko, pero sabi ko nga, sa mga tulad niyo lamang po ako umaasa.

 

Ano po bang pakiramdam ng kumakain sa hapag kainang maitatawag?…yung may pinggan, kutsara, may pagkaing sapat… Hindi ko po kasi maalalang nakakain na ko sa ganoon eh. Alam ko po na lagi ninyong nararanasan ‘yon. Hindi ko naman po hinihiling na pagkalooban ninyo ako ng isang hapag. Kapiraso lang ng kaya ninyo ang hinihiling ko, kaya ko naman pong magtiis sa nakasanayan ko eh. Ano po bang pakiramdam ng magpahinga sa mainit at malambot na kama? Napakaswerte niyo po at hindi po sa malamig at matigas na kalsada kayo nagpapahinga… Si amang po kasi madalas sa kalsada nakahiga, at batid kong malapit na syang magpahinga. Ano po bang pakiramdam ng binibigyan kayo ng sweldo ng boss niyo? Masaya po ba? Pero hinding hindi po noon matatawaran ang kasiyahang nararamdaman namin sa tuwing aabutan kami ng tulong. Ano po kayang pakiramdam ng mga mayayamang madaming lupaing hindi naman nagagamit? Napakadami pong lupain ng mga mayayaman, samantalang kaming mga dukha, wala kaming matirahan, ni bubong na masisilungan sa tuwing bubuhos ang ulan. Ano po bang pakiramdam ng nag-aaral? ‘Yung sa tuwing uuwi ka sa bahay, may bago kang natutunan, bagong salita, bagong kanta… Sa tuwing uuwi po kasi ako, ang natututunan ko lang eh yung mga pagmumura sa amin ni SPO1.

 

 

Ah… eh… Sa totoo lang po, hindi ko po alam kung ilang taon na ako. Hindi na rin naman po alam ni amang eh, hindi rin po alam ng kuya ko. Ang pangalan kong Tonton nga lang po ang alam ko tungkol sa pagkatao ko. Pamilya ko po? Sabi po ng amang ko, siyam daw po kaming magkakapatid, yung kuya ko lang po at si Nene ang nakikita ko. Hindi na po alam ng amang ko kung nasaan yung iba, isinama po yata nung nanay ko… Eh yung nanay ko eh lumayas po mula nung malaman niya na may sakit po si amang, bata pa po ako noon, kaya hindi ko po alam kung saan po sila nagpunta. Ikinuwento na lamang sa’kin ni amang ang mga nalalaman ko. Ah, doon po kami nakatira sa may terminal… Opo, si kuya lang po ang nagtatrabaho doon. Barker po sya doon pag umaga tapos pag gabi po manginginom naman po, kaya wala kaming aasahan don. Sakit po ni amang? Hindi ko po alam eh, wala pa po akong muwang nang magkasakit sya, kaya hindi ko po alam kung ano po iyon.  Mahinang mahina na nga po sya eh, si Nene po ang nagbabantay sa kanya, tulad ko po, wala din po siyang alam.

 

‘Yan din po ang sabi sa ‘kin ng mga iba kong hiningian ng tulong. Umuwi na daw po ako sa amin at hayaan ko daw na agulang ko ang magtrabaho para sa akin, pero hindi naman po nila ako naiintindihan, hindi ko naman hahayaan na si Amang pa ang magdidilihensya para sa akin,hindi nya po iyon kaya. Kaya ako na po ang nagdidilihensya para sa kanya, at kung may sosobra, para rin po sa akin at kay Nene, kaya lang bihira po talaga mangyari yun eh. Madalas po kasing magkahulihan. Sige na po ser, kahit kaunting tulong lang… ‘Wag niyo naman po sana akong tanggihan…

 

Sige po ser! Salamat po. Malaking tulong na ito para sa amin ni amang at Nene. Napakabait niyo po. Sana po ay dumami pa ang mga katulad niyo. Mapagtanto niyo po sana kung anuman ang meron kayo. Kasi kung anuman po ang meron kayo, higit pa po ‘yon sa pangarap ng isang tulad ko. Sige po. Hanggang sa muli po.

 

O mga tol, tara na, karakrus na tayo… May barya na uli ako! Babawian ko kayo.

 

prescriptions of a broken heart*

trying to get over a broken heart is such a heck of shit to do… no one can help you except you, yourself. to forget such pain is a tough thing to do and it is never easy… just as what one of my favorite flicks had said, only a new love can heal a broken heart… now what if no new love had come to rescue you? how would you pick the broken pieces of your heart? will you ever dare yourself to pick them up alone? accepting the fact that you two are no longer with each other is accepting also the fact that you are now alone… and that would be the hardest part of all, finding yourself playing solitaire… broken heart is not always about break-ups. rejection can be one, and so as false hopes, lies that have surrounded you, jealousy, wrong love, right love at the wrong time, falling for the one who’s already taken… those things made by love can really leave you heartwrecked. now what’s left for you to do except for drenching your heart into bottles of vodka and palm wine? you might think there’s nothing left, but there’s one… MOVE ON!

 

moving on– such a difficult journey to begin with. taking the first step can be very devastating. but once you have taken it, the next steps are a lot easier and eventually, you’ll find out that you had just gone far. and to help you initiate the journey of curing your ill heart, here are some prescriptions to help you

 

to do so. this can’t cure your heart 100%, but definitely, this can help…a lot.

EXPRESS–well, all you need is to express what you feel and let go of the frustrations behind. talk about what you feel with your friends. they may be fed up of your stories but hey, this can really help. your friends might never understand exactly what you feel, but being with them does not make you feel alone. cry a riverbut make sure you’ll never forget to build a damn bridge and get over it… there’s nothing wrong with crying, it is never a sign of weakness. blurt out all your pain through tears… you should not cry for regrets that you lost your loveit is not a sign of getting over. it will just make you look back and make things harder. , you just have to cry babe, cry because that person had just become unfair. cry because you did not get what you really deserve. cry cos you made a mistake, you fell for the wrong person. cry for those things and not for what you have lost. write poems,songs, stories. this one can really help you express what you feel. of course, the world is at your pen, and the pen is at your hands, and that’s the good thing when it comes to writing, creating our own world with just a strike of a pen. you can build your own world, kill everyone you like, love like there’s no tomorrow, control the situation, seal a happy ending or leave that world drowned in tears. when you write, there are no limitations, you just have to write.
 

FORGET–put away all the things that can make you look back.. maybe you hold too tight on it because the past is the only thing left not to change. memories are nice, but that’s all they are. unchain your heart from the past. it is not healthy for your heart. do not ever return anything that he/she has given to you. those were given to you, they are yours. instead, throw them away or let the fire eat them. attach your feelings of hatred and pain to these things as they turn to ashes and eventually disappear. make believe you have forgotten him/her. this will give you a drive next to reality that you are already over that person. i know you’ll make a fool of yourself but once you stick on it and you believe it, you are going to get through it. pretension is sometimes good. this may seem like a denial stage in a reverse way but this isn’t so. it’s just helping yourself to accept that everything that you had once known is now gone. avoid him/her. avoid the person you know that can hurt you. staying away from that particular person is like freeing yourself from pain. try not to speak his name. isolate yourself from his memories. keep in mind that “hindi sya ang mundo”. let him go, and let go of yourself too…

 

MINGLE–have bonding moments with your friends. meet new friends. by this, you can make a new you and have a positive outlook in life. life is not always about him/her. there are lots of cool lads/lasses out there. be friend with them, and who knows, you might find someone out there who can heal your broken heart and make you forget the things that had once destroyed you. but please, do not take anyone for granted. you’ll end up as a user. do not treat anyone who’s into you as “panakip butas”, that is sooo mean. if that person was ought to heal your heart, then both of you has to take chances and take time. take it easy, don’t be in a rush, or else, you’ll just have your heart broken again.

 

These things are never easy. but all you have to do is just to help yourself. do not force yourself if you can’t make it. you just have to be patient, and in time, everything will be healed. don’t put pressures on yourself. and, don’t forget to pray to God, He’ll be your guide along the way, for He is the real meaning of love, love that knows no pain.

*unfinished. still under its construction.

 

false remorse*

 

It’s been four hours since I have turned my engine to a full start. I didn’t know where I am bound to. I got in my car all alone not minding where my wheels are going to take me until I saw myself driving my way to a place where I lived in for years. It has been ages since the last time I was here and I just can’t believe I am here once again. I see familiar places and faces, they all seemed so old but they have never failed to remind me of the memories I had, the glee and tears that I had. They were all coming back to me as if they all happened just yesterday. I parked my car and I went out. I took a deep breath, and sighed. “What ifs” and “if onlys” continued to haunt my mind. I started walking, but I have no idea where was I going. Then I realized I was walking back in time. And as I walked along my memory, I met him once again.

 

He was once the biggest part of me. He was with me through it all, he fought with me against my greatest battles… he never made me feel alone. He helped me patch up my broken heart. He was my greatest and sweetest downfall. He was something so important to me that I can’t imagine life without him. In short, he was everything. He was my best friend, a love to call, a love that didn’t last, and a love that didn’t even work. It was our project of a lifetime to be there for each other no matter what. He rebuilt me up, and eventually demolished me. I have loved him more than I thought I can. All of those were now a part of my cloudy memory that I can hardly recall. And I can’t believe that here I am, playing with those painful memories, and his face emblazoned in my mind so stunning that I can still feel the pain I felt once upon a time.

 

My steps led me to this familiar place. I see shadows of our past, of who we used to be. The place is hollow, but very oppressive. It gives me undeniable pain. Pain caused by farewells and endings. Pain brought by the word forever that has come to an end. Memories tumbled back on me again. That was the last Friday of our last semester. Graduation Day is fast approaching, and things aren’t going alright and it should not end there yet…it was raining that night and I can’t cry anymore. Its freezing but I chose to stay and wait for him. I know he’ll come. The rain grew stronger, and the night grew older. I don’t know if he will still show up or not anymore. That was the worst fight that we had. The reason… I don’t know, I can’t remember. But I’m sure, it is my fault. I’m giving him a lot of pain. I’m selfish and I want him mine, but I’m not what he deserves. I just wanted to say sorry to him that night and ask for another chance. I want him back. I know he’s kinda tired and fed-up of our fights and I don’t know if he’ll going to give one last chance. All I wanted was for us to have a new start. Now that we are ought to part, I want to secure everything. Couple of hours had passed, the rain grew stronger, and he showed up. I didn’t know but to some reason, before he finally saw me, I ran away. I felt the guilt that all I can give to him is pain and nothing else. I was afraid that if I have him once again, I might hurt him again, again, again, and all over again. And that ends there. I was the one who didn’t show up. Amidst the rain, I left him.

 

Now I’ve been drenched into regrets. What if I stayed? Maybe we reconciled. Maybe were okay. Maybe were stronger. Maybe. And that’s it. I don’t wanna hurt him anymore. But what if I didn’t give him up? Is he gonna hold on to me? Is he going to forgive me? Am I gonna be much happier if I’m with him than with what I have now? These questions continued to haunt me now and then. These questions continued to frustrate me by and by. If I have hold on to him, are we going to last forever? It is a bittersweet fact that after all, he is still the missing piece of me. I wish to be completed but I can’t anymore. I am now a wife and a mother of three. I am happily married, but somehow, I am incomplete.

 

I didn’t notice, it was already dusk and I should drive off my way outta here. I need to go home. I shall then face what I have to face, forget what I need not to remember. Move on. But there’s one thing in me that I’ll always keep. He is special. I know he will always be, forever and a day

 

*formerly titled “Shadows and Regrets” as posted on my LJ. I just hope that spark publication will choose to publish this one… kasi i really love this story… don’t you love it? :)

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